I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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