this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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