What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
