dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
