if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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