Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
