You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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