yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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