Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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