can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
