Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
