WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
