He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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