saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
