K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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