Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize