yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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