I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
