I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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