When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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