Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
