my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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