8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
