Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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