Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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