I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
