she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
