Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
