I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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