Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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