my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
