it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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