you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am mentally ready for anal.
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