I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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