Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
