I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
