I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
