Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize