when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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