I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
