I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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