im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
