Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We have started to decorate penises.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
