Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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