I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
