I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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