there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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