the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
