Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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