My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
