we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
