his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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