I will die if light touches me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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