Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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