I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There r osticjed everywhere
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wear drunk well.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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