apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
