They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
