Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
